


phantoms

by ZephyrEden



Series: even in the darkness, we'll still have each other [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hearing Voices, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries, PTSD, Promises, Psychological Trauma, it's not a promise it's an oath, lygophobia, post xehanort saga, there's a lot of different words for it and i'm honestly not sure which one is most applicable, though i don't actually use the word oath i should have, which is fear of darkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 20:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15251928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZephyrEden/pseuds/ZephyrEden
Summary: Sometimes, Aqua hears voices in her head, ones that sound too similar to her own.They're never as kind as she is.





	phantoms

Despite the fact that they’ve only been back in the Land of Departure for a handful of months, Aqua hasn’t seen it this overcast once. Even with spending most of her life in this place, she can count the days she seen it like this on one hand. The dark churning clouds blanketing the sky have left the castle dark without the sunlight and she can already smell the storm that’s coming in from over the mountains.

She stares unblinkingly at the flickering flame of the candle she lit to provide a little light, a small reminder that it’s morning and not night like it feels. She almost finds it amazing, just how captivating one little light can be.

“Aqua?”

Aqua turns around in her seat at the call of her name, already at the small table with both of their favorite mugs filled and steaming in front of her. She tilts her head in question.

There’s an awkward smile on Terra’s face. It’s different than his forced one, she knows that, but she isn’t sure what exactly this one is for. “You’re kinda a little…” He raises his hand and motions vaguely around the top of his head.

She blinks a few times, each one slower than need be. She opens her mouth to say something when a flash of lightning strikes down, bathing the room in a strobe of light and shaking the windows with resounding thunderclap that accompanies it.

The candle flickers but doesn’t go out.

They’re both still, obviously startled by the sudden outpouring of the clouds that now replace the steady silence of their home with a backdrop of staticky rainfall. Their hearts beat rapidly in their chests, a sure sign that they’re there.

“What u-uh,” she stammers for a second before clearing her throat. She screws her eyes shut, taking a breath, then tries again. “I don’t know what _this_ ,” she mimics his previous movement, “means.”

He chuckles, a more genuine smile breaking out on his face. “Your hair,” he clarifies. “It’s… sticking up kind of weird. Did you not sleep well?”

She knows what he’s implying. He’s asking if she spent the night tossing and turning again, something he’s never one hundred percent sure of because he’s too heavy of a sleeper to wake up from it. Which is exactly why she answers how she does. “I slept fine,” she says without hesitation, even offers a smile that’s a much better bluff than the ones he tries. It’s a boldface lie and she’s fairly certain he knows that now for sure, but he doesn’t call her out on it.

“Well,” he sighs, walking over and taking the other seat at the table. There’s only two chairs at it now, a conscious choice on both their parts to put the other two away unless they’re needed. “You might want to check a mirror.” He picks up his coffee and smirks, “You’re looking a bit like you just fought at the Coliseum and lost.”

She scowls at him, running her fingers through her hair and wincing when they almost immediately get stopped by a knot.

“Told ya,” he mumbles into his mug.

She sighs, long and loud, and pushes her chair away from the table. Another flash of lightning lights up the room and she manages to only tense this time instead of jumping half a foot into the air like she wants to. After it passes, though, she realizes how dark it’s really gotten in the room. She summons an orb of light, the small sphere bobbing slightly up and down above her hand.

Terra doesn’t say anything as she quietly walks away. Their presence isn’t as loudly announced as it used to be, their bare or slipper covered feet not nearly as loud as their armor was when it was echoing down the halls. They don’t wear the armor as much anymore. Sometimes, when they’re working outside where the terrain might be more unstable or often when they’re sparring, but usually unless they’re leaving the calm sanctity of their broken world they leave the armor off.

It was difficult at first, having to learn to feel safe while being vulnerable. She doesn’t think she could have done it if she were here on her own. She grows more grateful every passing day that Terra is with her, that all that time in the darkness was worth it in the end. She honestly isn’t sure what she would do if it wasn’t.

There’s a room lined with mirrors in one of the towers that they’ve repaired. She hasn’t been in it yet, hasn’t been in it for decades. Its original purpose was to check their form and stances, allowing Master Eraqus to show them exactly what they need to change and where they need to adjust. She doesn’t know what they’ll use it for now.

Aqua’s hand hesitates above the door handle. She isn’t fond of mirrors these days.

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, ignoring the chorus of voices in her head telling her that this is a bad idea and that she should turn back now, she pushes open the door and walks inside. She’s even more thankful for the ball of light now since the room’s lack of windows mean that it’s not only dark inside, it’s pitch black.

“It’s an empty room,” she mutters to herself as she steps past the door. “Just an empty room.” The words are hardly a comfort and they don’t stop her from flinching when the door swings shut, the harsh sound echoing around the room in a way that makes her feel trapped.

Steeling herself, she approaches the wall of mirrors and immediately frowns. Not only was Terra right, but it’s worse than he let on. Because it’s not just the hair sticking up wildly in random directions on the top of her head, it’s the dark bruise-like bags in stark contrast to her unhealthy pallor and the haunted look that still lingers in her eyes that she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to get rid of.

_“Is there any point in continuing this fight?”_

Aqua’s eyes widen, her jaw tightening as she stares at her reflection. She ignores the tremble in her arm as she lifts it and presses her hand to glass to meet the reflection’s.

Nothing happens.

She lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, despite the ache in her lungs, and drops her arm. “This is… stupid,” she says for lack of a better word. “It’s all in your head.” She begins to the untangle the knots in her hair, the pain in her chest growing with every second she spends looking into the mirror.

_“Only your heart is hollow enough to be a demon’s.”_

She grits her teeth but doesn’t stop smoothing down the blue strands into something more presentable. “My heart is _not_ hollow. Not anymore.”

The reflection smirks at her, a look full of pitiful condescension. _“Is that what_ he _told you?”_

Aqua stumbles back, the light casting wild shadows along the wall as it follows the stunted movement. “You’re not real.”

The reflection reaches forward, its fingertips pressing against the glass, ready to push through. _“Your bonds of friendship only tie you down.”_

“ _Enough!_ ” she screams. She screws her eyes shut, her arm reeling back on instinct and launching the orb of light at the reflection.

The light explodes on contact, the mirrors shattering into thousands of tiny pieces that rain down across the room. It’s dark.

Aqua’s chest rises and falls in rapid succession, unable to get her pounding heart under control. She looks around the room, but she can’t even see her own hand in front of her face, let alone the exit. Her fingers tremble as she tries to summon another light.

_“It’s hopeless.”_

“No…” she whispers, looking around in a panic. Her mind is too much of a tangled mess to even recall the right spell.

“ _Just let go of everything-“_

“ _No!_ ” Her legs give out and she doesn’t seem notice the shards of glass cutting into her knees. She doesn’t know where the voice is coming from, not when it sounds like it’s everywhere at once.

_“-and fade into the darkness.”_

“No, no, no, no, no…” she mumbles rapidly under her breath. Her fingers slide into her hair, gripping it tightly as she tries to press her palms against her ears. She can’t do this again, she can’t-

_“You’ll never see the realm of light again.”_

“ _Terra!_ ” The name rips out of her throat before she even realizes she’s saying it, screaming it.

_“No one can save you.”_

She doesn’t know when she started crying, but she can taste the dampness as it reaches her lips. “Terra, please…” she breathes, almost like a prayer.

_“And no one wants to.”_

“ _Aqua!_ ”

The door bursts open and with it comes a warm light, unlike her own. She blinks at it, but the tears blurring her vision make it hard to make out anything.

“Aqua, I’m here.”

Strong, comforting arms wrap around her, pulling her against a sturdy chest. Terra.

“I’m here,” Terra repeats, ignoring the burn in his lungs that’s starting to permeate his entire chest. He moves his hand a slight motion, making the ball of fire he summoned for light circle around the room. His eyes rove over the damage, wincing when he sees the pile of shrapnel they’re kneeling in. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly, trying to be a calming presence for her. He knew he should’ve run faster when he heard the explosion.

“I’m fi-“ she begins to croak before he cuts her off.

“Don’t you dare say you’re fine. We both know you’re not,” he says firmly. He’s tired of playing this game with her.

She falls silent. “I…” she starts. She doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to say it out loud in case doing so somehow makes this, everything, unreal again. She’s seen too many phantoms to ever be sure that everything surrounding her isn’t made up of the ghosts of her memories. His arms tighten around her and she gives in.

“It felt like I was _there_ again,” she confesses on the ghost of a whisper. There’s a bit of relief that Terra doesn’t vanish the second she says it.

Terra, on the other hand, feels like he’s been punched in the throat. “You’ll never go there again.” His voice is harsh when he says it, but it’s entirely directed at himself. No matter what she says, he knows he’s the reason she’s ended up like this.

She laughs and it’s a bitter sound that he feels like a knife in his chest. “You can’t know that,” she says with a weary smile, a sign of resignation. Nothing will ever convince her that she’s free of that timeless prison forever.

Terra feels a bit of resignation himself. “…You’re right,” he admits and the taste of it on his tongue is almost unbearable. “I can’t know that. But if it does ever happen, if you end up back there-“ He pauses, his face screwed up in pain at the thought of her going through that again. “I’ll find you. I’ll always find you. I won’t let you be alone again, I promise.”

“Terra…”

“ _I promise_ ,” he repeats, filled with nothing but determination. Of any promises he’s ever made, this is the one he will die keeping. “I will _always_ find you.”

“…Okay,” she nods because while she’s always believed in Terra, she knows this version of him is one she’ll never have to doubt. “Okay.”

They don’t move for a while, sitting and re-grounding themselves in the warm glow of the fire that reflects off the shards of mirror like a thousand lanterns on the water and they drown in the white silence of crackling flames and muffled rain until it feels like they might need to come up for air. Terra thinks he might know a little of how Aqua feels now, when she doesn’t have a clock to look at.

“I would ask if you could stand,” Terra says eventually, repositioning himself so he’s able to scoop Aqua up in his arms and cradle her against his chest. She gasps in pain when her legs jostle and unbend, finally noticing the oozing wounds she’s accidentally inflicted upon herself. “But quite honestly, I wouldn’t let you even if I thought you could.”

“Thank you,” Aqua says quietly, a sincere yet pained smile on her face as she tiredly leans her head against his shoulder. A sense of relief floods her as soon as they leave the room.

“Always,” Terra nods. “Now let’s get you cleaned up.”

“I’m not sure how much I trust your healing abilities,” she teases and he relaxes as soon as he hears it.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to guide me along, won’t you?” he answers, a playful smile quirking the corners of his lips.

She smiles, sleepy now that the exhaustion has settled deep into her bones. “Let’s hope you’re a fast learner than because I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to stay awake.”

“Well, if it comes to that, it’s nothing some good old-fashioned bandages won’t fix,” he chuckles. She groans and he laughs harder and neither of them notice the clouds clearing up outside.

**Author's Note:**

> at this point i'm basically just making a playlist using fics.  
> the songs for this one are [my mirror speaks//death cab for cutie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKt0UUjtcs8) and [mirror haus//lindsey stirling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGmz74HDDow)
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/deepseasalt_) | [tumblr](http://deepseasalt.tumblr.com) | [carrd](http://zephyreden.carrd.co)


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